Talking Pet In Real Life

[Matt P]

If somebody describes some particularly grim or debauched aspect of their lives, I always follow it with "How very different to the home life of our dear Queen".

[Tracy]

Aufed the missus yet ageen ! Moved into temporary accommodation while the old hoose gets fixed. So this morning, she canna find her work gear. And what do I get ? "Well you had it last !"
Got her, "Oh I should have known this would wind up my end of the table !"

[HerrPfister]

Aufed the missus yet ageen ! Moved into temporary accommodation while the old hoose gets fixed. So this morning, she canna find her work gear. And what do I get ? "Well you had it last !"
Got her, "Oh I should have known this would wind up my end of the table !"

Got yerselves a nice hut have you?
I just hope you don't have a motorbike...

[Tracy]

Awe, not exactly the Hilton but it'll do. And the landlords a right misery !!!

[The Magnificent 7]

Awe, not exactly the Hilton but it'll do. And the landlords a right misery !!!

He's not called Arthur is he?

[Tracy]

Na man, he's called Derek. If he snuffs it tomorrow, being Tuesday loike, I could flog his passport for our Mox !

[Tracy]

Now this was 'Wied' ! Got me toast and Marmite, turned on the radio and on came the piano music, 'As Time Goes By', the same as in the piano bar where Bomber sees Vicki is not alone. Then as Im checking me e.mails, on comes the old anthem, 'Auf Wiedersehen, we'll meet again ...' Wonder what else Petwise is in store ???

[Musta bin Elbowed]

Often said to mates to show my disapproval of a crappy pub: "Hey it's a desperate place this isn't it?"

[Tracy]

You still like it though ?!

[Musta bin Elbowed]

I have to live there in case the missus finds out about my tattoo with the other judy's name on

[Tracy]

Bit bleary eyed this morning, noisy neighbours with fireworks at 3 am. Low life punters who go through life thinking every dees Guy Fawkes dee ! Anyway, sitting at the breakfast table and the missus sits doon with a cuppa tea and noisely stirs the bastard thing for an eternity, dingdingdingding...... I looks at her and I says, "Do you have to do that ? Do you have to do that ?!" Then totally unscripted and she never knew what she did, bangbangbang on the top ! A priceless little piece of Pet in real life. The magic of it all ? I kept it all to meself, and yees lot !

[Auf Wiedersehen, Pet]

Its all go in your gaff!

[Breaking Away]

We had a lot of bangs near us which I thought were fireworks the last few days. Turns out it was the woman next door with a new whip.

[Tracy]

Whip ?! She uses a whip?!

[Breaking Away]

Crack!