Official Merchandise!!
T-Shirts, Polo Shirts, Mugs, Beanie Hats, Keyrings, DVD's and more!
Same day dispatch Mon-Fri if ordered before 4pm.
http://www.auf.pet

Jokes with punchlines!

General chat about all things Auf Wiedersehen, Pet.

Moderators: Howard Radcliff, AWP Corsa Tim, RHill

User avatar
Tracy
Top Rank Brickie
Top Rank Brickie
Posts: 5915
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2013 5:51 am
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by Tracy » Mon Jan 27, 2014 11:43 pm

Ally Fraser was running a Theatre and he booked some big name bands. Just before the Top Billing went on, he had an argument with Ray Davies. So Ally told Big Baz to set the fire alarm off half way through the set. "That'll soon get The Kinks out !"
Image

User avatar
Tracy
Top Rank Brickie
Top Rank Brickie
Posts: 5915
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2013 5:51 am
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by Tracy » Tue Mar 18, 2014 11:53 pm

Why did wor Dennis book a holiday to Ethiopia ?
He went to find all his records man !
Image

Howard Radcliff
Architect
Architect
Posts: 198
Joined: Fri Jan 18, 2013 6:49 pm
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by Howard Radcliff » Wed Mar 19, 2014 12:35 am

Tracy wrote:Wayne chatting-up Dagmar, "Still a chance then?" She replies, "If I were you, I would not live in hope !"
Well I thought it was funny...
For me, its not just the dialogue between the two characters here - it's Barry's school boy snigger which follows after Wayne gets knocked back. This added to Wayne's clear embarrassment as his confidence is momentarily dented makes for a hilarious scene! Gold!
Image

User avatar
AWP Corsa Tim
Locations Tracker
Locations Tracker
Posts: 5322
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2012 11:00 pm
Location: Nottinghamshire
Contact:
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by AWP Corsa Tim » Thu Mar 20, 2014 3:14 pm

Aye agreed there, Wayne was like a know it all teacher showing his pupil how to do something right, yet it backfires totally.. :?
Image
OP

User avatar
Tracy
Top Rank Brickie
Top Rank Brickie
Posts: 5915
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2013 5:51 am
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by Tracy » Tue Mar 25, 2014 1:45 am

A comedian goes to the Barley Mow. He introduces himself to Tiger and says, "I will do two shows this evening in exchange for all I can eat." Tiger glares at him and says, "Deal !" So the evening comes and the comedian does his two shows in the lounge bar. After closing time when Tiger has seen the last punter out, the comedian sits at a table. Tiger then brings out a day old sandwich and a bag of crisps. The comedian says, "Whats this ? The deal was all I can eat !" Tiger smiles and replies, "A deal is a deal. Thats all I have so thats all you can eat !"
Image

Dennis Patterson
Plumber
Plumber
Posts: 181
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:54 pm
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by Dennis Patterson » Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:21 pm

Gary M wrote:Apparently the poles are predicting purple...
Just as well the poles aren't living in the hut
Image

User avatar
AWP Corsa Tim
Locations Tracker
Locations Tracker
Posts: 5322
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2012 11:00 pm
Location: Nottinghamshire
Contact:
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by AWP Corsa Tim » Thu Mar 27, 2014 5:29 pm

Thought this was meant to be a funny jokes thread? :o :x :|
Image
OP

HerrPfister
Gaffer
Gaffer
Posts: 1833
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:14 am
Location: West London, near Oz's original flat!
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by HerrPfister » Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:12 pm

:? So did Moxey, but Wayne didn't laugh neither :roll:
Image

User avatar
RHill
Gaffer
Gaffer
Posts: 2294
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:01 pm
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by RHill » Fri Mar 28, 2014 12:45 am

AWP Corsa Tim wrote:Thought this was meant to be a funny jokes thread? :o :x :|
Weird thread Tim. It started off with a true collection of jokes from the programme. Then...then, Tracy found the thread... and whoar, crash bang wallop, the whole nine yards, the rest is history. I mean he doesn't even smoke, I mean joke! :o

User avatar
AWP Corsa Tim
Locations Tracker
Locations Tracker
Posts: 5322
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2012 11:00 pm
Location: Nottinghamshire
Contact:
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by AWP Corsa Tim » Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:24 am

:lol: :lol:
Image
OP

User avatar
Tracy
Top Rank Brickie
Top Rank Brickie
Posts: 5915
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2013 5:51 am
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by Tracy » Fri Mar 28, 2014 3:58 am

aahhh go on, take the Mick, I dont care !
What did Wayne say to Barry when he went to empty his tiddly-pot in the morning ?
"Are you taking the urine son ?"
Image

AlreetPal
Legal Advisor
Legal Advisor
Posts: 2516
Joined: Tue Apr 02, 2013 10:46 am
Location: The shitehouses of the Loire
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by AlreetPal » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:18 am

Tracy wrote:aahhh go on, take the Mick, I dont care !
What did Wayne say to Barry when he went to empty his tiddly-pot in the morning ?
"Are you taking the urine son ?"
Divvn't you worry Tracy. I liked them. Like death warmed up some people roond here.
Shut ya yak will ya man, you snivelling little git.


We're sophisticated blokes us, ya know.

User avatar
Tracy
Top Rank Brickie
Top Rank Brickie
Posts: 5915
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2013 5:51 am
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by Tracy » Fri Mar 28, 2014 8:53 am

Thanking you AlreetPal ! Ya kna what I says to them, "Canna take a joke yees lot !"
Image

User avatar
AWP Corsa Tim
Locations Tracker
Locations Tracker
Posts: 5322
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2012 11:00 pm
Location: Nottinghamshire
Contact:
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by AWP Corsa Tim » Fri Mar 28, 2014 6:47 pm

Ah DOUBLE BOLLOCKS!!
Image
OP

User avatar
Tracy
Top Rank Brickie
Top Rank Brickie
Posts: 5915
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2013 5:51 am
Status: Offline

Re: Jokes with punchlines!

Post by Tracy » Sun Apr 06, 2014 10:03 am

Oz got a job at the zoo and he had to buy some new animals. When he got to the airport, a 747 Cargo plane was waiting for him. He looked at the consignment sheet and said, "Whats this ? I only ordered two bears man not twenty two !"
Image

Post Reply