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Eu in or out? My attempt at fan fiction

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staveley
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Eu in or out? My attempt at fan fiction

Post by staveley » Tue Jun 21, 2016 10:22 pm

Hope you like this, let me have your comments, my first attempt.
Eu in or out?
Scene 1. The lads are in the drawing room at Thornelly Manor, relaxing with a few cans of beer after a hard days graft. Its the 22th of June, the eve of the EU referendum
Dennis: Right, I've squared it with Ally Fraser and yeez'll all be allowed time off tomorrow to go an vote.
Barry: Well, I vote we have a debate about the issues involved here, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity to shape the future. Our decision must not made lightly and not without a lot of thought. People have fought to get us the vote so its a very precious thing,not to be taken lightly ,nor without a lot of thought.
Wayne, butting in: I'd save your breath my son, my minds made up already. The EUs been very good to me, what with marrying the lovely Christa, not to mention all those other European birds I haven't had the pleasure of yet. And besides, I always had a soft spot for Angela Merkel.
Barry ( eyes roll) Is no woman in any of the EU member states safe from you?
Neville: I'm totally undecided... think I'll ring Brenda and see what she advises.
Bomber: Bomber is registered to vote in Bristol... If I goes now, I could make it back by tomorrow night with a bit of luck..Patsy might think it a bit strange if Bombers home for just one day, mind.
Dennis: You're not going, we need you here on the job tomorrow.
Oz: In, oot, what a load of bollocks. I've never voted for anything in my life and I'm not going to start now.
Dennis: May I remind you Oz that its because of the free movement of labour allowed in the EU that we were able to work in Germany in the first place.
Moxey: I'm undecided. One the one hand, when I've got my identity papers and passport sorted out, staying in the EU allows me to live in any country I choose.
Oz(smiling): You mean anywhere that you haven't been nicked for arson.
Moxey: You've got a point there Oz. But going back to my argument, if we're out of the EU, and I got to live in Spain for example, there's no way they'd be able to deport me back to Britain.
Oz: I'm not chuffin' voting and that's that.
Dennis: In that case, Oz, whilst we're at the polling station, you can stay behind and begin digging out that old septic tank... the one that hasn't been emptied for 10 years according to Ratcliffe.
Neville, smiling:You'll be OK as long as you can hold your breath for at least five minutes at a time.
Oz: Well, if you put it that way, I'm in. In to come and vote, mind, not in the EU. I'm Geordie first, British second... and cosying up to the Erics and Froggies comes a long way doon my list.
Scene 2; At the polling station which has been set up in a portacabin in the car park of the Barley Mow. Barry is studying the voting rules which have been posted up outside.
Barry: May I remind you all this is a momentous occasion, so think about what you are voting for and what the future will bring as a consequence.
Neville: Away man, lets get inside and get it over with.
They enter the portacabin. In front of them is a table with the presiding officer who is Arthur Pringle and his assistant, his daughter Carol.
Arthur( angry) You lot again! If I had my way, you'd people would be barred from voting.
Barry: We don't want to cause any bother, but do have a democratic right to vote and I for one want to excercise that right. Could I have my voting slip please?
Pringle ( with bad grace) Here you are!
Oz: Same as Barry, Arthur.
Oz gets his voting slip and studies it.
Oz: Haway man! What have you just given us?
Pringle: A voting slip.
Oz: I knaaw that, but who are we voting for?
Arthur: Look at the slip
Oz, looking at his slip: Last time I saw one of these, it was a bit different. You had a choice of three candidates. Theres always a Tory, usually a farmer wearing a tweed jacket. A bit like that bloke who reckoned we had poached his salmon. Then there's a Labour candidate gadjey, who is the union bloke at the local shipyard. And now there's always a liberal. He's a lecturer at the college and wears a jacket with leather patches on the elbows.
Carol: All you have to do is put an 'X' to indicate if you want to stay in, or leave the EU.
Wayne, to Carol: If I put an X on mine and give it back to you, does it mean I love you?
Carol ( blushing): Shhh!
Wayne ( looking at the posters on the wall): Arthur, I've just read the rules and they say you have to remain in here at all times during the poll. So I'd just like to make the point that as you can't throw us out of your pub whilst you're in here, we're just nipping next door to your ever welcoming hostelry for a swift jar.
Arthur, incandescent with rage, gets to his feet and has to be restrained by his daughter. At this moment in walks the gamekeeper to cast his vote. Oz and Barry spot him and make for the exit. In their haste to get out, Oz knocks the ballot box off the table, the top comes off as it hits the ground and all the votes spill out across the floor. Oz and Barry have made their getaway. But a moment later Barry peers round the door and, silently and deliberately walks to the pile and drops his vote on the top. He then walks backwards to the door and disappears as Arthur and the gamekeeper lunge forward in an attempt to grab him.
THE END

rodoz
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Re: Eu in or out? My attempt at fan fiction

Post by rodoz » Wed Jun 22, 2016 8:22 am

Enjoyed that, nice job

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Re: Eu in or out? My attempt at fan fiction

Post by Lou » Wed Jun 22, 2016 9:09 am

That was really great, loved it.
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Tracy
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Re: Eu in or out? My attempt at fan fiction

Post by Tracy » Wed Jun 22, 2016 10:14 am

Eu made a nice job of that ! Oh by the way, Jeffery Grainger - I mean Archer was on the telly this morning. :D
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Re: Eu in or out? My attempt at fan fiction

Post by Breaking Away » Thu Jun 23, 2016 6:09 pm

Aye, very good
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Auf Wiedersehen, Pet
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Re: Eu in or out? My attempt at fan fiction

Post by Auf Wiedersehen, Pet » Thu Jun 23, 2016 7:55 pm

Canny that like.
AWP has had it's fair share in the media recently what with all this referendum shenanigans, and Brits gan abroad to find graft.
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Hallwood
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Re: Eu in or out? My attempt at fan fiction

Post by Hallwood » Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:05 pm

That was absolutely brilliant.

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Re: Eu in or out? My attempt at fan fiction

Post by Lou » Sun Jun 26, 2016 4:48 pm

Just re read this again.
Excellent job!
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Re: Eu in or out? My attempt at fan fiction

Post by Lou » Sun Jun 26, 2016 4:49 pm

Just re read this again.
Excellent job!
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racesgirl2000
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Re: Eu in or out? My attempt at fan fiction

Post by racesgirl2000 » Thu Jan 23, 2020 2:27 pm

That was bostin, that was
Oi oi, what's the word then

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