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© Auf Wiedersehen, Pet   
'Martin's  Misfortune'.   Added scenes  to 'Hasta La Vista'.  Newcastle Airport. Dennis and the lads are waiting to board. Russell has just asked for their tickets and passports. Brenda and Christine  are browsing magazines. In walks  Martin Cooper with a well worn leather suitcase.  Martin: "Morning."  Dennis: "Eerrr Martin, yea look I did try to ring you. It's  just that there's  been a change of plans."  Martin: "What change?"  Dennis: "Well ya see, we have a full team after all and you're no longer required." Martin: "Now you listen to me. This was  all agreed.  I'm here and I'm going, alreet ?!"  Dennis: "Look man, I'm sorry for the inconvenience but all tickets  are spoken for."  Martin drops his suitcase and grabs Dennis by his jacket. All the lads, except Neville who is holding Debbie, pounce yelling over the top of  each other. Bomber grabs Martin from behind in a wrestling hold.   Bomber: "Now listen lad, sometimes  you needs  to take no for an answer. Out we go."  Bomber marches  Martin out the doors  with the lads  in tow, Oz carrying the suitcase. Martin is  swearing and waving his arms about like  the 'Lost In Space' robot. They get out to the car park with onlookers  starring in amazement.  Bomber: "Now when Bomber lets  you go, you will walk away. Do you understands me ?"  Martin: "Alreet man !" Oz throws  the suitcase into the path of a bus  which squashes  it like a ham sandwich under a steamroller.  Bomber lets  Martin go who  launches  a swing at Oz. He misses  and Oz chins  him. Martin drops  to the ground in agony. Dennis  grabs  Oz before he puts  the boot in.   Dennis: "That'll do man. Quick, lets  all get back inside before the law arrive."  Bomber looks  at Martin: "Trouble with you young’uns, you never listen let alone learn !"  Oz chips in: "Best not be here when I get back son !"  Just then , two security officers  come running over.  Officer: "What's  going on 'ere then ?" Dennis: "Well officer, we just found this  lad 'ere like. He may have been hit by a bus. That may be his suitcase or what's left of it."  Officer: "Thanks  mate, we'll take it from here." The lads  go back into the terminal where Christine, Brenda, Neville and Debbie are waiting.  Christine: "Come on you lot, they're calling our flight."  Dennis: "OK pet, just taking care of business."  Back outside, the security officers  stand over Martin, kneeling on the grass  nursing a bloodied and broken nose.  Martin splutters: "Well, are yees  ganna arrest those pricks  or not ?"  Officer: "Arrest ? What for like ?" Martin: "Assault." Officer: "Assault ? What assault's this? We were informed you'd picked a fight with a bus and it looks like you lost!"  Martin: "Bus bollocks! Those bastards!"  He is  cut short as  one of the officers  kneels  down: "Look son, Martin Cooper. I kna you and I also kna your reputation. However you ended up  here like this, you got what you deserve! John Lennon called it 'Instant Karma'. Now pick up what's  left of ya gear, get on the bus and piss off!"  Martin: "I haven't got the bus  fare."  Officer: "Tough shit!" Cut to the last scene of 'Hasta La Vista'. Ending with Neville's  line to Wayne, "Get it all locked off son!"  Then to the final scene with Martin, covered in blood, clutching his  broken suitcase, trying to hitch a ride back to Newcastle. A 737 takes  off flying over his  head. He looks  up, gives  it the fingers  and says: "You'll be back and I'll be waitin’ for ya!"  As the music starts, Martin staggers  on, riding his thumb. The 737 disappearing into the distance.  The End. Tracy Holmes.
‘Martin’s Misfortune' Added scenes  to 'Hasta La Vista'. Newcastle Airport. Dennis and the lads are waiting to board. Russell has just asked for their tickets and passports. Brenda and Christine are browsing magazines. In walks  Martin Cooper with a well worn leather suitcase. Martin: "Morning." Dennis: "Eerrr Martin, yea look I did try to ring you. It's  just that there's  been a change of plans." Martin: "What change?" Dennis: "Well ya see, we have a full team after all and you're no longer required." Martin: "Now you listen to me. This was  all agreed.  I'm here and I'm going, alreet ?!" Dennis: "Look man, I'm sorry for the inconvenience but all tickets  are spoken for." Martin drops his suitcase and grabs Dennis by his jacket. All the lads, except Neville who is holding Debbie, pounce yelling over the top of each other. Bomber grabs Martin from behind in a wrestling hold. Bomber: "Now listen lad, sometimes  you needs  to take no for an answer. Out we go." Bomber marches  Martin out the doors  with the lads  in tow, Oz carrying the suitcase. Martin is  swearing and waving his arms about like the 'Lost In Space' robot. They get out to the car park with onlookers  starring in amazement. Bomber: "Now when Bomber lets  you go, you will walk away. Do you understands me ?" Martin: "Alreet man !" Oz throws  the suitcase into the path of a bus  which squashes  it like a ham sandwich under a steamroller.  Bomber lets  Martin go who launches  a swing at Oz. He misses  and Oz chins  him. Martin drops  to the ground in agony. Dennis  grabs  Oz before he puts  the boot in. Dennis: "That'll do man. Quick, lets  all get back inside before the law arrive." Bomber looks  at Martin: "Trouble with you young’uns, you never listen let alone learn !" Oz chips in: "Best not be here when I get back son !" Just then , two security officers  come running over. Officer: "What's  going on 'ere then ?" Dennis: "Well officer, we just found this  lad 'ere like. He may have been hit by a bus. That may be his suitcase or what's left of it." Officer: "Thanks  mate, we'll take it from here." The lads  go back into the terminal where Christine, Brenda, Neville and Debbie are waiting. Christine: "Come on you lot, they're calling our flight." Dennis: "OK pet, just taking care of business." Back outside, the security officers  stand over Martin, kneeling on the grass  nursing a bloodied and broken nose. Martin splutters: "Well, are yees  ganna arrest those pricks  or not ?" Officer: "Arrest ? What for like ?" Martin: "Assault." Officer: "Assault ? What assault's this? We were informed you'd picked a fight with a bus and it looks like you lost!" Martin: "Bus bollocks! Those bastards!" He is  cut short as  one of the officers  kneels  down: "Look son, Martin Cooper. I kna you and I also kna your reputation. However you ended up here like this, you got what you deserve! John Lennon called it 'Instant Karma'. Now pick up what's  left of ya gear, get on the bus and piss off!" Martin: "I haven't got the bus  fare." Officer: "Tough shit!" Cut to the last scene of 'Hasta La Vista'. Ending with Neville's  line to Wayne, "Get it all locked off son!" Then to the final scene with Martin, covered in blood, clutching his  broken suitcase, trying to hitch a ride back to Newcastle. A 737 takes off flying over his  head. He looks  up, gives  it the fingers  and says: "You'll be back and I'll be waitin’ for ya!" As the music starts, Martin staggers  on, riding his thumb. The 737 disappearing into the distance. The End. Tracy Holmes.
© Auf Wiedersehen, Pet
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