Lockdown with the Lads

[Lou]

The lads are all sat round the table in the hut waiting for Dennis to return from his meeting in the site office with Grunwald...
In walks Den...
Wayne_ So Den, what's the word?
Den_ Right lads, the situation is that Germany is on Lockdown. From now on not one of us is permitted to leave the hut for at least 3 weeks.
Oz_ Bollocks! What are you talking about? Lockdown? Who the hell does Grunwald think he is telling us that we have to stop in here for 3 weeks!
Den_ It's not Grunwald telling us Oz, it's the German government man! It's not just us lot in here its the whole of bloody Germany! Grunwald reckons it'll be England next.
Nev_ I had a feeling this was gonna happen Den after Brenda got that call from the hospital last week asking her to go back to work. Things are really bad back home. God I'm worried sick about her Den....
Den_ Look Neville, try not to worry man, your Brenda's made of strong stuff and she's doing a marvellous job at the hospital Nev, they all are...
Barry_ Oh yes, the good old NHS....Last year when I had my ingrown toenail removed I had a wonderful nurse looking after me....
Wayne_ Oh someone turn him off! Bloody hell Barry, do you think we wanna hear about your manky trotters at a time like this son?
Bomber_ Oh leave the lad alone ...Hey Dennis, does that mean no graft for 3 weeks then? We will still get paid won't we?
Den_ Well unfortunately Bomber, Grunwald said that as we're all self employed then no work means no pay. Apparently we can claim for some sort of back pay when we get back to England.
Nev_ So when can we go home Den?
Den_ There's no travel out of Germany for at least 30 days Nev.
Nev_ Bloody hell Den! That's a whole month!
Oz_ Ha ha! Well at least one good thing's come out of all this....I'll not have to see the Mrs for another month at least! Result!
Den_ What do you mean Oz? Result! Has it not yet sunk into that thick skull of yours just how serious this situation is man? We cannot go out for 3 weeks unless it's to buy essentials like food or medicine!
Oz_ Ah well, now you come to mention it we're running low on beer and bog roll, well they're essentials !......Barry!.....shoot up the old town on your bike and stock up son!......Hey, unless you all fancy sneaking over the club for a few beers ?
Den_ Well Oz I'm sorry to be the bearer of more bad news but as of tonight all the pubs are being closed down.
Oz_ What!!! Well I never thought I'd see the day they closed the pubs!! They cant do that man! What are we gonna do for a drink?!!!
Wayne_ Mores to the point Oz, what are we gonna do about getting strumped? I cant go 3 weeks without getting my big end serviced....I'll get a right crimp in my nuts.
Barry_ Trust you Wayne Norris.....wer'e in the middle of a deadly global pandemic and all you can think about is meaningless sexual gratification! Its pathetic!
Bomber _ Wayne's got a point though lads.....what are we all gonna do stuck in this hut for 3 weeks? We could always have a game of pontoon I suppose....
Oz_ Well I wouldn't have minded a game of darts but there's no chance of that since McGowan pissed off with the dart board is there! Bloody hell, we may as well be in the nick. Locked up in here, no drink, no women, nowt to do....
Moxey _ Oh well I'm used to being in prison so I'll be able to c c c cope.
Barry _ Well I've just had an absolutely brill idea....I'll give you all tap dancing lessons! I think I can still remember one little routine....and a 1 2 3.....
Oz_ I'll skud you in a minute Barry!
Den_ Look! Everyone just shut up! Let's all just calm down man! Moxey, put the kettle on and we'll all have a nice cup of tea.
Moxey _ Righto Den, but there's no milk....
Nev_ Hey lads, there's still some of Brenda's chocolate cake left there on the table. We can all have a piece of that eh!
Den_ Look lads I'm sure we'll be able to get through this if we all stick together and make the best of it. That's all we can do.
Moxey _ Tea's up lads! (He places the teapot down on the table and let's out an almighty sneeze) AATCHOOO!!!! All over Brenda's cake. The lads look at him in disgust. Moxey takes a scrunched up piece of tissue out of his overall pocket and loudly blows his nose.
Moxey _ Sorry lads.....I think that was the last of the bog roll......

The end.

[Tracy]

LOIKE

[936trt]

Moxey had real trouble with his bronchs as well...

[Chrish2017]

Very good

[Tipperary Lion]

I am shipping out mates i would better in with the turks rather than staying in here with you lot